In many ways, your brain works like a computer. When you receive a positive or negative input about yourself, you store it in your subconscious mind and later express those messages in your feelings or behaviors. The way you perceive and organize those inputs exerts a strong influence on how you interact with others. Unless you are taught to reject the negative messages, you will tend to accept them as truth. Accepting these thoughts at face value leads to behavior that is rooted in error.

Do you question the validity of your self-concept, or do you simply behave as if it is true?

When I was a kid, one of my coaches told me a story about circus elephants. When these elephants are still little and weak, they are chained to ironstakes in the ground, which prevent them from breaking free and running away. This allows the circus trainers to keep them close, work with them, and prepare them for their routines. What’s strange is that even after the little elephants grow into huge and powerful animals, they remain restricted by those same miniature stakes in the ground. Even when they are more than strong enough to yank the stake out of the ground and roam free, they don’t do it. They don’t even try.

Sometimes we demonstrate this kind of helplessness too. We focus on a little stake (or mistake) from our past and forget that, with God’s help, we have the power to release whatever has been holding us back.

Is a little stake from your past holding you back?

Imagine a spark from a campfire flying onto your sweater. As long as you quickly brush it away, it will do no harm. It is the same way with negative thoughts. Train yourself to become aware of them, and then sweep them away without much fanfare.

In what ways could you pay more attention to your own thinking?

When you bring your thinking into the domain of your conscious, creative control, you will rapidly discover what an enormous advantage you have in sculpting the conditions of your life.

Over the last 24 hours, what conditions have you been sculpting with your thought life?

Remember that dwelling on your problems doesn’t fix them; it just makes you an expert on them.

What is the difference in dwelling on a solution and dwelling on the problem itself?

People tend to reflexively dwell on either what they fear or what most excites them. In the absence of clear, compelling vision, you and I are more likely to descend into fear thinking and away from 4:8 Thinking. You can build any virtue into your mentality by dwelling on that virtue every single day.

What are some of the most compelling aspects of your vision for the future?

At every single moment, you are either thinking yourself into or out of an exceptional marriage. You are constantly redefining and reinventing your relationship with every thought that races through your mind. Every thought you think about your spouse either moves you toward your ideal relationship or it moves you away. No thoughts are neutral. Every thought counts. Unfortunately, about 90 percent of the thoughts you have today are repeats from yesterday and the day before, and the day before that.
As you read my recent New York Times Bestseller, you’ll learn the primary reason why effecting permanent, positive improvement in your marriage tends to be such an uphill challenge. The human mind loves the status quo and, if not trained otherwise, will feed you a constant repetition of old ideas. And those old thoughts, like an automatic pilot, will keep steering your marriage in the same direction it has always gone.
Often, individuals are teased when they change their mind about something important. (Apparently, blind consistency is an important value for many people) This is a ridiculous notion because only when you change your mind is anything meaningful going to permanently change. If something isn’t working, change your mind. If you’re not satisfied with your marriage, change your mind about the issues you’re troubled with. Look at your spouse differently. Ask productive questions. Give what you desire to receive. Strengthen yourself emotionally. Dwell on different things…Practice The 4:8 Principle.
If you want to improve your marriage, change your mind. It’s certainly easier than changing your spouse! What do you think?

Most negative thinking is simply a bundle of lies that cannot be substantiated and certainly could not make it through a vigorous cross-examination. When you think a limiting thought without challenging it, your mind buys into it. To counteract this, remind yourself that negative thoughts do not come from God. God is positive to everything but sin.

In what ways do you trust God more than you trust your problems?

The most effective technique for instilling the habit of 4:8 Thinking is developing the habit of asking, re-asking, and then answering 4:8 Questions. Here are three examples to help you get the idea:

1. What are five things I am thankful for right now?
2. What are five of my strengths or positive traits?
3. What are five of my best achievements so far?

What time of the day could you develop the habit of asking 4:8 Questions?

It’s easy to resist the downside of human nature when all is well. When we’re reaching our goals, life can be great. And the very fact that life is great tends to beget even more greatness. Riding the natural high of success readies our mind for even more success. When we feel like we’re on a roll, that very feeling seems to attract even more of what we want into our life. Success breeds success. Indeed, success does snowball. It is a bit more difficult to rise above our lower self when we are mired in adversity of some kind.

The negative feelings of self-pity, anxiety, and blame can take over our emotional life and spread out of control like recent drought-fueled wild fires. Negativity breeds more negativity. Indeed, failure can act much like the snowball of success but in the opposite direction.

The person in the negative spiral hardly every accepts full and unqualified responsibility for his role in the situation and this lack of ownership stalls future progress and often damages important relationships. In my experience, at least two thirds of adversity is self-inflicted.

Of course, we all make mistakes and all mistakes produce consequences. Accepting responsibility, not just in word, but in deed, also means accepting the repercussions of one’s own choices. Until this is done, there is no freedom to focus on creating a future worth believing in.

Even the presence of just one chronic negative emotion is enough to hold you back and beneath the greatness God has planned for you.

In my recent New York Times bestseller, The 4:8 Principle, I reveal the most common negative thinking patterns and what you can do to counteract them.