In coaching a couple recently at The 1% Club, we began discussing problems and perspectives as it relates to marriage. It is truly amazing how a change in perspective can open up a whole new field of possibilities whether in business, in marriage, or in life. Often times, “ah ha” moments are initiated with the words, “Why don’t you look at it this way…” or “have you ever considered…” or sometimes the “ah ha” seemingly comes out of nowhere. Here’s a breakthrough perspective that this particular couple happily said, “created a fresh start in our relationship.”  It really is so simple it is easy to miss, yet it is so important it can revolutionize a relationship almost overnight.
 

Too many married couples have been conditioned to believe that “we can have a strong relationship once we solve our problems.” Then they go to work trying to deal with their issues. Sounds like a logical approach, doesn’t it? The challenge with this common approach is that while your relationship will, of course, be better without the problems, it will be near impossible to permanently resolve those problems until you are in a stronger place mentally. Underestimating the importance of healthy thinking in productively solving problems leads to all sorts of stubborn relationship relapses and the accompanying frustrations that go along with them.
 

When you’re struggling with a relationship, the first step (after prayer, of course), with Philippians 4:8 as your guide, is to make the effort to get your head right. Step back and acknowledge your blessings both related to the relationship and independent of it. Accept responsibility for what you’re feeling at the moment. Understand that your feelings, whether healthy or unhealthy, are the result of what you’ve been dwelling upon most recently. It’s hard to be a great problem solver when you’re overcome with negative emotion.

 As needed, eliminate distortions, embellishments, exaggerations and self-centeredness as it applies to this relationship. Often a wise friend can help you see the situation with much greater clarity and impartiality. For additional ideas and methods for dealing with Really Awful Thoughts (RATs), check out Chapter 6 in The 4:8 Principle (Head Games).
 

When you are thinking accurately, without the distortions caused by excessive emotional intensity , you naturally demonstrate the necessary tools for a healthy, close, and satisfying relationship. Some of these qualities include a clear intention, deeper understanding, a sense of humor, compassion, and creativity. And each of these tools starts with a 4:8 thought.
 

When you activate 4:8 in relationships, you’ll find that many of the things you previously perceived as problems will no longer seem like problems. And the issues that do remain become much easier to handle. Without the tool of 4:8 thinking, you are left to face the challenges of building and maintaining a strong marriage with an incomplete toolbox. It is possible to still succeed, but with the 4:8, it will be much easier to make things great.
 

On demand! The 8 Day Challenge is now available ON DEMAND. Visit www.the8daychallenge.com
 

Check out new 4:8 video, now playing on Godtube!
 

Think 4:8 in 2008!
 

Hey 4:8 thinkers,

 From my research, it is clear to me that God wants us to experience rich joy throughout our lives, and joy founded in His love and His promises. 

As part of our free will, we will always have the choice to pick a joy-producing thought or a junk-producing thought. Our emotions, whether resentment or joy, reveal what we have been dwelling upon. I like to think of this as part of God’s built-in quality control device.

If we are feeling rotten or stressed, we know we have been dwelling on frustrations, disappointments, loss, and the like. If we feel terrific, we know that we have been dwelling on progress, achievements, blessings and so forth. Our emotions serve us by allowing us to feel what we’ve been dwelling on; thereby, equipping us with the feedback we need to make adjustments in where we are steering our thought life.

Remember, the intent of the 4:8 principle is not perfection, but the continuous improvement of your thinking. And each upgrade sets the stage for added joy.

 If you’d like to test your joy, please visit www.the8daychallenge.com ! 

Coach 

Hey 4:8 thinkers,

Here is a very powerful destressor and attitude enhancer! 

Schedule quick 4:8 injections every two hours. I recommend that they be four minutes or less. Seriously, you can accomplish a lot in a small bit of time if you get ready in advance. So schedule these four minute breaks for tomorrow right now, and put them into your calendar. Think of these as Positive Pit Stops. Review your goals or mission. Practice affirmation or visualization. Pray. Read the Bible. Relive a positive memory. Write a thank-you card or send an e-mail of appreciation to someone important.

And if you would like to join the thousands who’ve already taken the 4:8 plunge, visit www.the8daychallenge.com.