Tommy Newberry's Secrets to a Joy Filled Life

We live in an emotional world but…

Tommy — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 15:35:32 +0000

Emotions are subjective indicators of objective experience. For example, if you are hiking through the woods and you come across what you believe to be a snake in the path ahead of you, you will respond emotionally to that belief. You may experience fear and stop in your tracks or quickly retreat. Whatever your response, it’s rooted in how you interpret what you’re observing with your senses.

Imagine that as you step back, you look a little more closely and realize that the “snake” is in fact only a rope lying in the path. You interpreted it as a snake, and then your emotions, followed by your body, reacted to what you thought you saw. It didn’t matter that the rope lying in the path was no threat at all. Perception was reality. You believed it to be true. You misinterpreted the rope as being dangerous, and you automatically reacted consistently with that perception. How could you as an individual better interpret what’s happening in your world in light of the truth of scripture? How can we as citizens better interpret, in the light of truth, what is happening in our country right now?

It is worth thinking about!

Follow me on Twitter: @CoachNewberry

You made me bark, right?

Tommy — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:49:02 +0000

There are two ways to think. You can be a reactive thinker. This is the 8:4, upside down thinker. This requires no effort. This is just sort of like our dog, Gracie. Last night, she started barking and guess what happened with the neighbors’ dogs? They started barking. And almost always, when the neighbors’ dogs start barking, she starts barking. And it’s just a condition response. It’s an instinct with the dog. One dog starts barking, the other one starts barking. But…this is a dog. That’s how God made… dogs.

That’s not how God made humans, but sometimes we act like dogs. Somebody barks at us and we bark back, like we have no control over the matter. Our spouse throws a hand grenade at us; we throw one right back at them. It doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to live that way. You can focus on the good stuff.

You can condition yourself and train yourself to be the other type of thinker. The other type of thinker is a proactive 4:8 thinker. This requires a lot of effort. When you’re a reactive thinker, you’re just like the dog. When you’re a proactive thinker, you have to think ahead. You have to think about your responses ahead of time, outside of the heat of the moment.

You have to decide that “no matter what is going on around me, I’m not going to change what’s going on inside of me. I’m going to keep my thoughts lined up with God’s promises despite negative outer conditions. Despite how somebody treats me, I’m going to treat them with respect and with kindness.”

How about you?

Give this approach a try, just for today!

Have you listened to The 4:8 Principle on audio yet? Experience the difference the spoken word can make!

Huge, powerful animals but…

Tommy — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:09:34 +0000

When I was a kid, one of my coaches told me a story about circus elephants. When these elephants are still little and weak, they are chained to iron stakes in the ground, which prevent them from breaking free and running away.

This allows the circus trainers to keep them close, work with them, and prepare them for their routines. What’s strange is that even after the little elephants grow into huge, powerful animals capable of lifting a ton or more with their trunks, they remain restricted by those same miniature stakes in the ground. Even when they are more than strong enough to yank the stake out of the ground and roam free, they don’t do it. They don’t even try. They remain limited by the old boundaries.

Sometimes we demonstrate this type of helplessness as well. We focus on that little stake (or mistake) from our past and forget that, with God’s help, we have the power to release whatever has been holding us back.

What might be holding you back right now?
Give this question and its answer some quality thought in the next 24 hours!
And to help your child build high levels of self-confidence, visit 30 Days To A Self-Confident Kid.
Coach

4:8 Your Family and the family next door!

Tommy — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:53:52 +0000

Earlier this week, a new book was released that you must read - 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family.

My friend Rebecca Hagelin wrote this powerful book to help you raise emotionally healthy, responsible, well-adjusted kids. This book has great ideas AND it’s highly practical. There are 30 chapters organized so that it’s easy to read a short chapter every day for the next month. Think about it…One great idea can change your family, but with Rebecca’s new book, you’ll have 30 plus to choose from and implement.

And each of her chapters is a manageable action step that you can put into practice beginning immediately. You’ll also find a ton of resources to help your family build their faith and their relationships with each other.

April 8th—Why not make every day 4:8 Day?

Tommy — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:34:35 +0000

Hey,
It’s April 8^th and I like to think of today as 4:8 Day. Why not make today the best of the best. Why not raise the standard for yourself, at least for today?
Today, steer clear of specific thoughts, words and deeds that violate the 4:8 principle. Increase other thoughts, words, and behaviors that are in harmony with Philippians 4:8.
Do MORE of the following today.

Prayer and forgiveness beyond the norm for you
Verbally encouraging your spouse, friends and family
Thinking and reviewing your goals
Smiling and laughing
Dwelling on the character of God
Reviewing your blessings, especially the little ones
Defending a victim of gossip
Predicting a positive outcome aloud

Do LESS of the following today.
·         All forms of whining and complaining
·         Talking about fatigue, boredom or aches and pains
·         Gossip-based conversations
·         Condemning language of any kind
·         Exasperating body language
·         Criticism of spouse, kids, coworkers and even politicians
·         Worrisome thoughts or words
·         Nursing old wounds
Try this for yourself. Then rinse, repeat, and make every day 4:8 Day!
www.the48principle.com

The 3 R’s of 8:4 Thinking…

Tommy — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 17:26:21 +0000

Here’s a sure fire way to lose your joy!

You might want to think of this as “How To Bring Out The Worst In Your Friends & Family.”

First, focus on people’s perceived shortcomings instead of their strengths. Sure they have some admirable qualities, but that’s not the point here. People, especially those closest to us need someone to point out our defects and remind us often of how we are falling short. This is especially powerful if it involves a spouse or child, but works well with a dear friend also. One of the best methods is to look a person in the eye and use extreme words like “always, never, and every time” to characterize their behavior. But, if you don’t say something directly to them, at least hint in some way that you are aware of their faults or that you disapprove of them for some other reason.

Next, assume the worst about that person and predict that the situation or behavior will no doubt deteriorate. Presume that he or she has malicious motives, despite the fact the you don’t know the whole story about them or their decisions.

Finally, practice the “3 R’s” of 8:4 Thinking. Rehearse in your own mind what’s wrong with the other person or how awful the situation has become. Replay specific instances of unacceptable behavior that prove you are right in your judgment. Regurgitate your dissatisfactions to as many people and in as many different ways as possible. For best results, be as dramatic as possible. Use words such as “outraged, horrible, devastating, shocking” in describing this situation or person to others.

Remember, the key to being miserable (and contributing to other’s misery) is developing the habit of paying excessive mental, emotional, and verbal attention to the events, people, and circumstances that disappoint you.

Here’s the antidote to this way of thinking and living…Think 4:8 Before It Is Too Late!!

Special 4:8 Workshop in Texas this weekend

Tommy — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:02:21 +0000

Hey 4:8 Thinkers…if you’re in the Dallas area this weekend, I will be at the The Pier at Lakepointe Church in Rockwall.

I’ll be delivering a special half-day 4:8 workshop sponsored by The 4:8 Ministry. This event is open to the public. Click here for easy registration information. Hope to see you there!

Remember, you can put negative emotions in their place by challenging their authenticity. Here’s what I mean. When you become aware of a negative emotion, simply remind yourself, “This is just the way I feel. It’s not necessarily the truth. It doesn’t need to dictate my behavior.” Feelings are not the gospel and aren’t cited in Scripture as a basis for taking action. Left unchecked, your feelings tend to drag you into the worst aspects of human nature, namely, shifting your attention and outlook from the long term to the short term.

With a short time horizon, we are far more likely to react unproductively to a negative feeling rather than respond resourcefully. Too often, our feelings, if used as a compass, lead us to make self-centered choices. Instead of allowing your feelings to guide your decisions, try allowing God’s Word to set your direction.

Compliance with God’s principles is the seldom discussed, timeless secret to sustained positive emotions. If you are held captive to how the world wants you to feel and behave, you must also endure the roller coaster of negative emotions that correspond with that philosophy. Put negative emotions in their place today so that you realize they are not the basis for your decisions.

Have YOU Taken The 8 Day Challenge?

Past performance alone does not ensure confidence

Tommy — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:31:38 +0000

Confidence is your belief in your capability to reach a particular goal or bundle of goals. Confidence is you ability to transform fear, overload, and self-doubt into productive action. And while genuine confidence is rooted in actual accomplishment, past performance alone does not ensure confidence will be developed or maintained. Sustainable self-confidence grows from four things: exhaustive preparation, winning moments, positive memories and a focus on incremental progress instead of perfection. To build positive memories, highlight, dwell upon and record your best accomplishments from the previous week. Rinse, repeat…and visit The 4:8 Project.

Confidence is an essential success quality and fortunately

Tommy — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:49:39 +0000

Confidence is an essential success quality and fortunately, one that can be learned, developed and maximized. The great news is that you were not born with confidence and if you don’t possess as much as you would like at the moment, there are many solutions. Confidence is a mindset, a mental skill that can cultivated and it is based on many factors including the quality of your self-worth, your environment, the people you associate with, and most especially, the way you process what happens in your world. In my next post, I’ll identify four of the most critical elements that grow your confidence. In the meantime, think about your goals and listen to The 4:8 Principle on audio.

Coach

I’m back with my blog…

Tommy — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 21:06:58 +0000

Hey everyone!
I’m back with my blog today following an intensive stretch of coaching, including wrapping up our 11^th annual Couples Planning Retreat at Blackberry Farm, a round of speaking engagements, along with just concluding The SuperFOCUS series for February and a private workshop this morning. Life since early December has been a real blur in a very good way.

My recent workshop series with 1% members emphasized “unshakable self-confidence.” The timing of this message was not coincidental. There is a real crisis of confidence in the world right now especially in the USA. And it doesn’t help, of course, to have government leaders proclaiming excessively that we’re in such an awful crisis. We’re in a bit of a mess. That is for certain.

But it does no good to repeatedly affirm how bad things are. This violates what I call “The Law of Holes” which succinctly states, “if you’re in a hole…stop digging.” If we’re in such a bad place, why does someone have to tell us over and over again? Makes me wonder?

Anyway, what each of us needs right now is more confidence and confidence doesn’t grow out of dependence on outside forces, especially the government. In my next few posts, I’ll be sharing some ideas on authentically renewing your confidence. These ideas will be pulled from my recent workshops.

In the meantime, spread the Word. Spread wisdom, spread responsibility, spread innovation, spread value, spread joy, and spread optimism about the future. If we don’t do it, who will?

Coach